I recently had a small disagreement with a friend.
Out of respect for my friend’s privacy, I will not reveal anything about the person’s identity or the cause of the argument. It wasn’t a huge deal, but I still regret it happened. Of course, as an anxiety sufferer, I went back and microanalyzed every single word I said over the course of the conversation. Over and over and over again. I blamed myself and only myself for it.
Although the disagreement was minor in the grand scheme of things, it was my fault that things went where they did. It all started because I said some things I probably shouldn’t have said.
You see, I like to be as non-confrontational as possible. I don’t argue with people. I don’t enjoy it. It’s not in my nature. I try to be the best version of myself each and every day, regardless of the situation. Unfortunately, I was not the best version of myself on that day. Something came over me, and I think I know exactly what the culprit was.
Thanks, anxiety.
If you were an object, I’d punch you in the face. I mean that. I know I just talked about how non-confrontational I am. But anxiety, you are the one thing in this world (aside, perhaps, from anyone with the last name Trump) that deserves a nice Mike Tyson-esque jab to the jaw. This is the umpteen millionth time in my life you’ve made me feel like crap. Seriously.
In the days following the quarrel, I became very depressed. I was sad. I was down. I felt defeated. Those feelings stuck for what felt like an eternity.
Everything stuck, that is, until I realized something.
I can learn from this.
As much as I would have wanted to, I couldn’t unsay the words I had said. No one has invented a working time machine (although that would be an amazing invention). What was done would be done and remain that way. The only thing to do now was turn my anger and self-doubt into something productive, or at least a line of thinking that is a bit more reasonable.
You can’t change the past.
This is a simple, but important message that not everyone understands. By living in the past, you can’t grow. If you’re not growing, you’re not living.
And let’s be honest, if you actually want to stay in 2020, you’re crazy.
Kobe Bryant. Chadwick Boseman. Ruth Bader Ginsburg. Regis Philbin. Sean Connery. Alex Trebek. Not to mention the millions of sons, daughters, mothers, fathers, husbands, wives, brothers, sisters, grandmothers, grandfathers, aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends who have died from coronavirus.
Why couldn’t 2020 have taken out anxiety? It killed everything else.
Anyway, let’s brighten the message and look forward to 2021. It can’t be any worse than the goat rodeo that was 2020. Speaking of goat rodeos, the Trump presidency will be ending come January 20, so there’s that. Seventy more days, guys. We can do this. #lockhimup
Life is too short to live in the past. Life is also too short for petty disagreements. Just ask the folks listed above. They would give anything to come back to this planet and even have one more petty disagreement. Your life is sacred, and you only get one shot, so why waste it on backward-focused thinking?
For instance, America is one place that can now look forward. The tyranny of Donald Trump is over and Joe Biden is prepared to make the country functional again. Biden knows how to treat people with decency and respect. People will no longer look at America for all the wrong reasons.
That’s the type of future I want to look forward to.
So now, I need to file away that experience I had with my friend and ask two questions:
- How do I make the situation better?
- How can I learn a lesson from this so that I don’t make the same mistake again?
You know what? With question 2, just ignore the “so that I don’t make the same mistake again” part. That’s backward thinking. And that’s exactly the type of semantics that will force you to make that mistake again. When you do that, the mistake becomes engrained in your head, and that doesn’t do anyone any good.
Betterment and learning.
Now these two things do a lot of people a lot of good. They do my students a lot of good. I like those two things. And you should, too.
Any time you can take away something good from something that seems to be terrible, you’re doing okay and your mind is in the right place. Silver linings.
Take your silver linings and turn them into hearts of gold. Help others. Help the world become a better place for your children and grandchildren.
Personally, I wouldn’t say that I have a heart of gold. I do try to have a kind heart, and parts of it might be golden, but it’s not completely where I want it to be. My goal is to get my heart to look like the helmets of the Notre Dame football team (side note: if the Irish ever play another game without the golden domes atop their heads, I will scream). As you can see from the example above, my heart still has some spray painting that needs to be done. I do have my flaws. But I’m not living in the past with these flaws–I’m learning how to turn my past mistakes into future miracles.
Personal betterment. That’s what it’s all about, folks. That’s a message that everyone from Prague to Clifton Park to Mar-a-Lago can embrace…okay, maybe not quite that last place I mentioned, but you get the point. Too soon? Nah.
So just to make sure you’ve been paying attention (my students love it when I do this at the end of our lessons), here’s a clue:
Two things everyone should do each and every day.
(sound of contestant buzzer) What are betterment and learning?
Correct!
God bless you, Mr. Trebek.
Czeching Out the World of TEFL 