Why Am I Still Here?

My 500-day anniversary blog got me thinking.

Why am I still here? Why have I decided to stay this long?

When I first came out here, I told my family, “I might be back in a month, or I might be back in a year.” I said nothing about a year and a half or 500 days or anything longer than that. But yet, here I am, still living in the Czech capital.

Let’s offer a quick reminder as to why I did this in the first place. The simple reason is that I’ve been underestimated my whole life. Unlike my fantasy football team most weeks, I’m an underdog.

Side note: I’m 10-0 in the TEFL fantasy football league; y’all need to step your game up because this is too easy. Then again, Dalvin Cook and Davante Adams make fantasy football easy. Okay, enough of that…

In all seriousness…doctors once thought I’d be completely nonverbal (which is funny, considering now I essentially talk for a living). I got around to things (getting my first job, driving, lady friends, traveling, etc.) a few years later than most of my peers. I bounced around from grocery store cashier to computer salesman to post office assistant…I mean, mail handler assistant (y’all know what it is, but my dad’s going to yell at me if I don’t get the title right) before I finally found my niche in education. I’ve done it all while fighting anxiety and depression and doing whatever I can to raise awareness for mental health.

I’ve never been afraid to admit any of these things to people. It’s not because I want them to feel sorry for me. I want them to know the backstory, and of course, I want to be open and honest about mental health. The backstory has actually given me a pretty sizable chip on my shoulder. As I said, I was (and in a lot of ways, still am) an underdog. When I made the decision to move abroad, I knew I had something to prove to people (and today, I still think that I have things to prove to people). The best way to do that was to step outside of my comfort zone.

I think about the journey every day. I most often think about it when I have that internal debate with myself about whether or not I just want to end this and head back to Clifton Park (that internal debate has occurred quite frequently during COVID). Knowing how hard I worked and what I had to go through to get here keeps me going.

But you know what else has given me the will to stay in Prague this whole time?

It’s the impact I make on people’s lives.

I know that I will never make a lot of money doing this. It’s unlikely I’ll ever become famous. Honestly, even in the melting pot that is Prague, I don’t have hundreds and hundreds of friends.

But you know what? That’s okay!

None of those things are worth more than seeing a student go “aha” when they finally master a concept they’ve been struggling with. They don’t matter nearly as much as having a student who loves to learn and buys more lessons with you out of their own pocket. It’s the thought of my summer campers coming up to me to inform them that I have changed their lives and that they will never forget me. The camper who texts you “I miss you so much” and says that they want to talk to you three months after camp has ended warms my heart.

Money can’t buy any of that.

English is the world’s language. It opens doors for people. The way I see it, I’m doing a service to others by helping people advance their personal and professional lives. With my help, they are able to communicate with others in ways they never used to. They can finally travel to America and see what we are all about. In 65 days, it won’t be about Donald Trump anymore! But who’s counting?

That’s not to say things are always easy. There are very long days when you have to go from one end of Prague to the other, sometimes multiple times, and you’re completely at the mercy of Prague’s public transport system (which is fantastic, but I’ve always preferred having control of those kinds of things). Students cancel lessons. Lessons don’t go as planned. They don’t understand it the first time. They don’t like your teaching style. They think a hot dog is a sandwich. I could go on and on.

COVID has only exacerbated the problems and unpredictability. The need for lessons to transition online has opened up a whole new can of worms. Just as recently as a few weeks ago, I had never used Microsoft Teams, and now, it’s become a daily part of my teaching routine. The adaptability and patience you have to show is quite something. Yes, they taught us about those things in schools, but they did not teach us about how to teach during a pandemic.

COVID has also resulted in lost income for lots of good people, through no fault of their own. This has happened all over the world. I’ve had students lose their jobs and companies have to cut lessons out of their budgets. I’ve had students who simply don’t prefer the world of online lessons and opt to put things on hold until the situation gets better. Honestly, even though I have no control over any of this, it makes me angry. And no, it’s not due to the financial hit. Although that is important, the real reason it upsets me is because my students are no longer able to get better at this valuable skill. I’m no longer able to do a service to them. They can study on their own, but losing the personal touch of a one-to-one lesson makes things much more difficult for them to build on the progress they had worked so hard to make.

There have been days when I’ve wanted to go home. I’d be lying if I said that wasn’t the case. I haven’t seen my family in-person in nearly 18 months. Having to miss my brother’s wedding (which took place at the heart of our second wave over here) and countless family events has been heart wrenching. As I’ve said in recent blogs, I’ve also had to deal with my anxiety forcing me to become extra nervous and trying to tell me things that aren’t true. It’s made me question everything I’ve said and done both in and out of the classroom.

The obstacles are a-plenty. But I’ve found the resolve to keep going. I easily could have given up multiple times by now. Honestly, it’s my students and my campers who keep me going. There are people counting on me. Like I said before, it’s not about the money, prestige, or number of friends you have, it’s about changing the world for the better. It’s about being a positive influence for others. Over time, I’ve recognized that I embarked on this journey as much for others as I did for myself.

I don’t know what the future holds or exactly how much longer I’ll be doing this, but especially in the time we live in, every day and every lesson is a blessing. I hope I’ve made my family proud. I hope I’ve stayed true to all the values that have shaped me into the person I am today.

Most importantly, I hope that my experience has inspired people to get up off that couch and take a big step outside their comfort zone (once it’s safe to do so, of course).

Because if I can do it, so can you.