January: The first month of the year. A time for a clean slate. A time to get going on those New Year’s resolutions. The stress of the holidays is gone.
Sounds great, right?
For some people, it might be. But not for everyone. And certainly not for those who have anxiety and/or depression.
I once saw a meme that I think says it best. January: a cold, gray bucket of suck.
Spot on.
Full disclosure: I’ve suffered from seasonal depression for years. There are two times of year it gets really bad. September/October…and, you guessed it, this exact time of year. It stays with me until about the end of February, and then, it goes away.
Why do I get this way? For one, there’s nothing to look forward to. Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s are over. And with all due respect to Abraham Lincoln and George Washington (boy, could America use either of them about now), their birthdays just don’t do it for me. Second, it’s cold. Really cold. You can’t really go outside. Then again, I didn’t move from New York to Prague for the weather, so I’d be feeling the exact same way if I were in the U.S. Third, the days are short. Really short. The sun comes up at 8 a.m. and goes down at 4 p.m. I know people whose workdays are longer than that. Fourth, the next school break is a long, long way away. I enjoy teaching, but it’s a grind, so it’s important to get mental and physical rest. Unfortunately, the next time I can get an extended rest isn’t until a four-day break in early April. Woohoo.
There are some minor things which go into it as well. Football season is coming to an end and baseball season is nowhere in sight. The onset of January also means that tax season, one of the most stressful things I do all year, is right around the corner. Ugh.
As it is, it’s already not great. But now, let’s add in COVID restrictions. Need a nonessential item like new clothes or a webcam for your computer? Too bad. Want to go to a nice, peaceful cafe and work on your lesson plans? Forget it. How about a weekend trip to Germany or Poland? Dream on. Want to go out after 9 p.m.? Nope. Why not get a group of friends together and have a few drinks? Ne, ne, ne, ne, ne…. (that’s Czech for “no,” in case you didn’t know).
And oh yeah, COVID anxiety is always there, and personally, it’s never been worse for me. When will the cases go down? Will they ever go down? When can I get vaccinated? Will the vaccine even work? What happens if, God forbid, I get it? Will my family in the States be okay? Will not being able to see my friends affect my relationships with them? Will I lose my mind just because of sheer boredom? Imagine all of these questions spinning through your head on a daily basis, even when it’s not January.
Oh, but we’re not done adding fuel to this fire. Not by a long shot. As much as I try to keep this blog positive and free of politics, I’d be remiss if I wrote a blog today and didn’t comment on yesterday’s events. Not only that, but the recent state of America has been triggering my anxiety for a while now. But it’s never been worse than yesterday, when a group of domestic terrorists broke into the U.S. Capitol in one of the darkest and most embarrassing moments in the history of democracy. I’m not proud to be an American today. I’m pissed off today, and if you’re an American, you should be, too. This should never, ever, EVER happen in our country.
There is one man responsible for this, and you know exactly who it is. Trump needs to go NOW. Not later today. Not tomorrow. Not next week. I don’t care that there are only two weeks left in his term. His immediate departure is the only thing that can help America begin to restore its many, many wounds. I’m sure Joe Biden is quite alright with being number 47 instead of number 46. Speaking of the president-elect, I don’t envy him one bit. He’s walking into a complete and utter mess. He deserves better. I wish him well.
In addition to feeling intense anger, the person with anxiety will, as usual, develop extreme and potentially even irrational concern. What if a civil war breaks out in my country? Again, is my family safe? Will I ever be able to move back to America? What will all of this mean for the COVID response and the stimulus checks? Will Biden be able to get anything done and really make the country better? There’s no worse feeling than seeing your country in shambles, but being so far away that you feel you can’t do a thing about it.
Not to mention the constant questions I get from students. Do you think I like explaining to them how the worst president in American history has incited nothing but hatred, divisiveness, and racism? Do I enjoy telling them about how America’s reputation has completely gone in the tank? No, I don’t. You wouldn’t, either. Thinking about this only makes my anxiety worse.
Let’s get baby Donald to his crib (and by that, I mean his jail cell) and move on.
Okay, the anxiety fire’s finally out. Right? But wait a minute…aren’t you forgetting something, Mike? Why, you sure are! How about my normal, everyday concerns that anxiety brings about? Anxiety doesn’t ever take a vacation. It’s here, 365 days a year, 24 hours a day, seven days a week. It’s the one thing COVID can’t close down. Seasonal depression and anxiety don’t get along. Nor will they ever.
Did I do a good job teaching that lesson? Are my students really getting better? Which clients are going to have to take a mid-year test? How much income am I on track to make this month? What is my plan for after this school year ends?
And that’s just on the professional side.
When we look at the personal side, it doesn’t get any better.
Am I a good person? Was I truly the best version of myself today? Was I nice enough to this person the last time I saw them? Should I have said this or not said that? What are my personal goals going to be this week? My friend didn’t text me back–did I do something to upset them?
Speaking of which, just to step on my soapbox for a minute–Family and friends, I love y’all dearly, but some of you are HORRENDOUS when it comes to returning texts. You’re as bad as the Jacksonville Jaguars (and not even Trevor Lawrence would be enough to save you). Seriously. I know you’re busy. I’m busy, too. I don’t expect your world to revolve around me. If it did, that would be weird. But there is something called common courtesy. It doesn’t take very long to at least acknowledge the fact that I took time out of my own busy day to say something to you. You may think it’s silly that I’m complaining about this, and it may not seem like a big deal to you, but you have no idea about the thoughts that someone with anxiety gets when you go hours without answering me. Do better. Capeesh? Okay, rant over….down from soapbox.
Now that I’ve made an effort to put all the thoughts from my jumbled mind onto a piece of paper, let’s just do a quick recap for you math majors out there…
Seasonal depression + COVID + idiots at the U.S. Capitol and the bigger idiot that has resided at the White House for the past four years + regular anxiety =a cold, gray bucket of suck.
Math is hard.
So what can one possibly do to get out of this rut? Well, some days it’s not easy. It’s life…it’s never easy. But I’m still here, so what are the things I’ve done to make me still be here?
Listening to music is a great stress reliever. So is working out, and a big goal I have for this year is to lose 20 pounds, if not more. Meditation works well, and I’ve also been thinking about taking up yoga. There is also this new, addicting puzzle game I’ve installed on my phone in order to train my brain. Another thing I really like is listening to TED Talks because a number of them are so relatable. Just Google “TED Talks” or search it on Youtube, and hours of fun will be at your fingertips. When I’m not playing that game or watching TED Talks, however, I’m trying to cut back on my screen time and social media time because there are better and happier things you can do with your life (and I get sick of the overly political posts after a while, especially now) Personally, I’ve just been starting out with one or two simple goals each week and doing everything I can to achieve those.
You’re also probably asking: What can I do to support a family member or friend who has anxiety and/or depression? Let’s start with what not to do. I know I don’t want anyone’s pity, and I believe most others don’t, either. I’ll be fine. No one needs to feel sorry for me. I’ve gotten this far, haven’t I? I have faith that, after a long healing process, America will be fine, too.
The best thing that anyone can do is listen. Be supportive, not judgmental, of them, no matter how they are feeling or what they are going through. Show empathy. Encourage them to accomplish their goals and follow their dreams. Do some research on mental health so you can know more about the hidden battles they fight each and every day. That way, you can see the person, not the illness. Remember, we are people with a mental illness, not a “mentally ill person.” I absolutely loathe that phrase. The person always has to come first. Person-first language, ladies and gentlemen. Person. First. Language.
Finally, I’d like conclude with this quote from To Kill a Mockingbird,one of my all-time favorite books. “You never rally understand a person until you consider things from his point of view…until you climb around in his skin and walk around in it.”
Now that you know more about what I and millions of others are going through every day, especially at this difficult time of year and even more difficult time in American history, would you be able to walk a mile in our skin?
Czeching Out the World of TEFL 