Life Update

The past few months haven’t been the easiest.

Between the cold weather, COVID restrictions, and the monotony of looking at the same four walls day in and day out, it’s been a struggle. Not to mention having to do taxes and go through the Czech census (the deadline’s in nine days for those of you who still haven’t finished it).

Admittedly, my mental and physical health haven’t been in the best place, either. I know that I haven’t exactly been the best version of myself recently. It’s resulted in me not always saying or doing the right things or perhaps oversharing on social media. Specifically to any of my friends who might be reading this, I far well know that I haven’t been the greatest friend lately. I promise I’ll do better. I’ve just had a lot of things on my mind.

One of these things has been a rather innocuous-looking question that I’ve been getting a lot.

How long are you planning to stay in Prague?

With another school year about to come to a close, it’s something that I’ve had to carefully ponder over the last couple of months. That one simple question has led to a number of other smaller questions.

Do you want to keep working with adults? What kind of school would you like to work for? Contract or Zivno? Do you want to stay in Prague or move elsewhere? Who’s going to win the Kentucky Derby? (For the record: I picked Highly Motivated. The winner crossed the finish line approximately 18 hours ago. He’s expected to cross the finish line some time next week.)

Anyway, I fought long and hard with my mind about the question of staying another year in Prague. Like I said, it’s been a difficult year for my mental health. A number of people I’ve grown close to here have left or are preparing to leave before long. While COVID is getting better here, it’s still not going away, and for “freelancers” like me, there’s no possibility of being vaccinated for at least two to three months. While I’m blessed to have shelter, my living situation could be better, and I haven’t been a fan of it for a while now. But I can’t really change it at the moment, because, you know…contracts and censuses.

There were a lot of lengthy texts exchanged between me and my mom, and if I could be fully transparent for a moment, the possibility of me returning to New York did come up more than once. My family has been pushing that option for months now. Based on that and everything I stated above, it seems like it should’ve been a slam dunk, right?

Hold your Medina Spirits and Mandalouns.

(for those who aren’t as well versed in horse racing, those were the 1-2 finishers in yesterday’s derby)

Something deep down inside of me wanted to give Prague another chance. I’m not even sure what that something was. I felt that I owed it to myself to at least do my due diligence.

I applied to several jobs. After careful reflection, I decided that, if I was to stay in Prague, my goal would be to work with children or teens. Working with adults has been rewarding, and I’ve been fortunate to work with two language schools that have treated me very well, but I recognized that working with the younger folk was my true passion. Plus, the opportunity to have a consistent income, consistent schedule, and BENEFITS appealed to me. When you teach adults, they plan their lessons based on their schedules and what works for them, not you. This can result in me teaching until 8 p.m. most nights. With all due respect to all those I currently work with, I want to have time in the evenings to unwind and enjoy myself. Also, when people cancel lessons more than 24 hours prior to the start of the lesson, you get the same amount as Highly Motivated earned in the race yesterday: ZERO.

The job application process actually started out nicely. Every school I applied to at least got me in the door (either the literal one or the virtual one) for an interview. Some interviews went better than others. There were countless emails exchanged. It was a long road. Each opportunity had its pros and cons.

After a while, I zeroed in on one job and they zeroed in on me.

The only question left for me to ask myself was (drumroll please): Was this job worth it for me to stay in Prague for one more year?

Yes, it was. I’m running it back for a third year in the Czech Republic.

I’ve accepted a position at an elementary school. I can’t get into too many details because the contract is not officially signed, but all the people who had to be notified have been. Essentially, I’ll be teaching English, math, physics, and information technology to students in Grades 4 through 8. A full-time schedule in one place. What seems to be a great learning and working environment. Benefits. Coworkers.

I’m excited.

I don’t want to toot my horn too loudly, but this outcome speaks to my persistence. Initially, I was actually rejected by this school, but it decided to open up more positions, so I tried again. It also shows that I hung on through all of the lonely days in isolation, texts home, tears shed, sleepless nights, and stress eating. I hope that this new opportunity will tell me that I made the right decision to keep going, even when it was tempting to jump on the first plane back to Albany.

So why didn’t I jump on that plane?

As unhappy I’ve been at times here, I really just didn’t think I’d be any happier there. Yes, I’d have the support of my family (if you’re reading this, I’m going to make every effort to come and visit this summer), but what else would I really have? What would I do for work? Go into the completely oversaturated online teaching market? Nope. Been there, done that. I’d have to get a car and a new phone plan. Where would I live? Would my social life actually be any better?

And oh by the way, it’s upstate New York. For those who have never been there, you’re really only missing trees and construction. Prague is way more exciting.

I think the big reason I entertained the idea of going back was because I felt under supported here. There were times when I felt like I had no friends (at least no real ones). Times I believed I was a burden to people. Going back to the safe space of my family would surely help alleviate that, no?

Anxiety is one hell of a liar. I legitimately feel that anxiety was lying to me or making my issues seem worse than they actually were.

Despite what anxiety was attempting to tell me, it wasn’t the right time to go back. I just wasn’t ready to end this experience, especially considering that things are opening up or will very soon. Traveling out of the country could be doable again in the near future. That’s one of the main things I came over here to do. Why leave now when it’s just getting good?

Sure, there will be obstacles. Even though I don’t do this for the money, teaching in Prague will never be the most lucrative profession. Not all of the 26 lessons I will teach every week will go as planned. There will still be the ordeal of dealing with the Czech offices from time to time. Friends will continue to come and go. And of course, COVID will still be around in some way, shape, or form (RIP Sally Jovell, my fourth-grade teacher who used to love that phrase) for a while.

But when you see a chance, you have to take it. And when a decision feels right, it probably is right.

I think that because I now know what the plan is for the next year, I’ll be more at ease. Less stressed. More open to new experiences. My hope is that this will help me be the best version of myself each and every day.

I have no choice but to be the best version of myself. Those kids at my new school need to see a role model. Someone they could and should aspire to be. If I’m doing that, it’s okay if they don’t understand the word or grammar concept on the first try. I’m still doing my job.

When I first left for Prague on that humid June day in 2019, I told my family that I might be back home in a month. Maybe a few months. But certainly no more than a year.

No more than a year? And now we’re heading into year 3?

Wow. We’ve come a long way.

Bring on year 3. I can’t wait to get started.