Not Good at Goodbyes

The award-winning British singer Sam Smith once wrote a song called “Too Good at Goodbyes.”

Maybe he can give me some lessons.

No, not singing lessons. Singing and me are a lost cause. I’m talking about lessons in goodbyes.

Unlike Mr. Smith, I’m not good at goodbyes. At all. And it’s unfortunate because I’ll be having to say a lot of them in the weeks and months ahead.

No, I’m not leaving Prague. We established that last week. That’s not the reason I’m writing this blog. Instead, I wanted to shed light on this topic because I’ll be bidding adieu to more than one good friend this month. These are friends who I’ve experienced some great times with. These are friends who have helped me and stuck with me through difficult times. These are some of the first people I truly got to know in Prague. And now they’re off to other locales. It sucks. Yes, there is the possibility of communication through social media and what not, but that is simply no substitute for face-to-face interactions. In a way, I’m happy for my friends that are leaving because they will be pursuing opportunities which seem very exciting, but selfishly, I wish they would stay. But it’s out of my control.

This reminds me of when I first said goodbye to my family when I left for Prague nearly two years ago. With all due respect to my departing friends, the current situations pale in comparison. Saying goodbye to my family was one of the hardest, gut-wrenching things I’ve ever had to do. The fear of the unknown…how I would do in Prague, when I might be back in New York, and being far away from my folks for the first time in my life…made it even worse. I still miss my family. I’m sure every expat who came before me has felt the same way. But after a while, time made it slightly easier.

There’s also another dimension to this “period of goodbyes,” if you will. As you saw last week (and if you didn’t see it, please go read it), I’ve accepted a new job with a school in Prague. That means I will soon have to say goodbye to my current adult students. That won’t be easy, either. These are people who did more than just pay my bills. They invited me into their workplaces and into their lives. I built a relationship with each of them. They were patient with me as I figured out the world of Prague and the world of TEFL. I taught them many things, but they also taught me many things, and for that I’ll be forever grateful. They and I established routines and had countless insightful conversations. While I look forward to my new opportunity with excitement and humility, I’ll miss these students and wish them well. Furthermore, I’ll be saying goodbye to the language schools that gave this kid from upstate New York a chance to make a special impact on the lives of others. Times weren’t always amazing, but for the most part, we had a good working relationship and gained each other’s respect.

As I think about this weird time of transition in my life, I am appreciative to at least have the chance to say goodbye. Over the years, I’ve had so many relationships and friendships end without warning. Most meaningfully, both of my grandmothers passed away after relatively short illnesses. We had an idea it was coming, but not a great one. However, I distinctly remember my grandmother’s last words to me being “I love you, too.” As I look back with gratitude this Mother Day’s weekend, that memory will forever stick with me. Always appreciate the sacrifices your parents and grandparents made for you. Tell them that. Hug them. Cherish the time you have with them.

While not nearly as significant as the relationships as I had with my grandmothers, I’ve also had too many friendships end without warning. This has happened for various reasons. Of course, a number of them have ended due to time and distance, which is what I fear will happen with the ones I mentioned at the beginning. Since I moved to Prague, I’ve seen people leave without even saying goodbye. I know that, in many cases, it was due to COVID and them having to leave quickly, but others just up and left. I remember one person I got very close to over here abruptly leaving and then, not a week later, me going to their Facebook page and seeing the “Add Friend” button. Excuse me?

One way or the other, goodbyes are extremely painful for me. It sounds corny, but everyone I meet and develop a relationship with, whether it’s a familial one or friendly one, owns a piece of my heart. As someone with social anxiety, I’m especially grateful for all the people who have given me a chance to make and maintain a friendship.

I know some people have kicked me to the curb because of the social anxiety, which sometimes makes me not be the world’s greatest friend. I’ve gone months without seeing people I used to see regularly (although COVID is somewhat to blame for that, too). I’m left out of things I wouldn’t have been left out of before. When it comes to texting, I’m basically the Buffalo Sabres. I regret all of that. But you know what? I’ve gotten up off the mat and made new friends, while also strengthening other relationships in my life and taking some time to take care of myself so the social anxiety doesn’t run as rampant anymore. Long story short, the people who matter will look past the shortcomings and make the effort to stay in your life no matter what happens.

Never take the important people in your life for granted. You just never know when things (and people) can change.

(Picture: A photo of a rainbow from last year at summer camp. To me, there’s always been something about rainbows and goodbyes. I can’t really put my finger on exactly what that is, but enjoy the photo!)