June is here.
It’s a good time of year.
The weather is warm. The school year is ending and it’s almost time for summer vacation. Baseball season is in full swing. Coronavirus restrictions are (mostly) gone.
As we prepare to enter the second half of the year, I’ve come to the realization that I’m not happy with where I am as a person. Even though I’m a perfectionist and could be looking at this through rose-colored glasses, those who know me would also probably admit that there is a lot of room for improvement in my life. Over the past few months, I’ve been addicted to some habits that I’m not proud of and need to break. Cardinal sins for self-improvement, if you will.
So let’s go through those five habits, starting with #5 and counting down to #1…
5. Procrastination
I’m usually pretty focused and get my work done. However, I’ve recently noticed that I’ve been putting a lot of things off until the last minute. Whether it’s been planning a lesson, grading a test, or simpler things like cleaning my flat, I haven’t always acted when I should. Eventually, I do get it done, but not before minutes or even hours of being sidetracked by YouTube, Facebook, Instagram, ESPN, etc. I think it’s happening largely due to mental burnout. For those non-teachers out there, you have to realize that June is the final month of a 10-month marathon. How do you think a runner feels when they hit mile 26 at the Boston Marathon? Or a baseball team around game 156? Even in this non-traditional school year, teacher burnout remains very real. For me, burnout leads to lost focus and just wanting to rest, even when I know there are important things I have to get done.
4. Lack of self-care
I think a big reason why burnout is hitting me so hard is because I haven’t done a good enough job of taking care of myself. I go out of my way to care for others, whether it is checking in to see how they are doing, wishing them a happy birthday, or expressing my best wishes for them as they take an important test for their professional development. People pleasers do this. Because people pleasers do this, they neglect self-care. There have been mornings I’ve skipped meditation. There have been evenings I’ve wanted to take a nice, hot bath and just haven’t mustered up the strength or seen myself as deserving of it. For weeks now, I’ve wanted to get back to working out, but that has yet to happen. I’ve often been told that I should give myself the love I give others, but anxiety tries to convince me that I’m not important enough. You see, I’ve always dealt with low self-esteem and have never had the highest opinion of myself. This is largely because I let the opinions of others have too much influence on the picture I paint of myself. After all, if I’m so concerned about being the best version of myself in front of others, I have to be that version of myself in my own eyes first. I can achieve a balance of caring for myself and being there for others. But that’s definitely a work in progress.
3. Being negative
Anxiety makes you see the world a different way. It sometimes distorts your view of the world so much that you can’t see even the slightest positives in anything. One thing I’ve done too frequently of late is be negative. My social media posts have been negative (more on that in a moment). I’ve gotten extremely irritated over small inconveniences. I’ve immediately feared the worst when I get an email from one of my schools. I get annoyed when a person who frequently cancels their lessons actually shows up. I need to stop this. When I ask someone to hang out and they say no, I jump to conclusions and immediately fear that they are upset with me or that I did something wrong. I believe in being real and honest and definitely wear my heart on my sleeve, but it can go too far if you are not careful. I know my social media followers are tired of hearing my “woe is me” stories (which is not what they are intended to be). I will lose friends and followers this way (again, not that we’re counting, but it’s still not a great feeling). Instead, I need to recognize what my bad days and bad weeks are trying to teach me and how I can emerge stronger from it. Most importantly, I will grow by doing that, but it will also help others to respect me more.
2. Oversharing
Building on my previous point, I’ve been posting too often on social media of late. And as I said before, the majority of it has been negative or even self-centered. No one likes a Negative Nancy. So why do I post this stuff? First, I do believe in being real. Second, I often feel like I have no one to talk to, so I put it out there in front of everyone to see if someone will message me and ask me if I’m okay. In some situations, that does happen, but more often than not, it doesn’t. For example, people will often subconsciously scroll through Instagram stories without even thinking about them or their potential ramifications. They’re not concerned about me or my mental health. They’re concerned about clearing out their feed. When they see my name show up in their stories list, they probably expect (and want) to see something happy, like nature, sports, or an inspirational photo or quote. They don’t want to see me feeling sorry for myself.
My social media posts are not designed to be cries for attention. I apologize if they come across that way. If anything, they are designed to be cries for help. When you’re alone in a foreign country, you need all the help you can get. But complaining isn’t going to get you very far. There are people around the world who would kill to have the life I have. I need to shut up, suck it up, and move on. Have a bad day? Journal about it. Go for a walk. Meditate or exercise. While mental health awareness is paramount, I can still accomplish that goal by toning it down or posting less frequently. Even better, I can tell people about face to face rather than just sharing it on social media. Admittedly, oversharing will probably be the toughest habit for me to break. It’s going to take a while. But I can do it.
- Nagging people
Going through my old text messages (yes, thanks to anxiety, I sit back and analyze countless conversations long after the other person has completely forgotten about it) has made me realize what a nag I can be. What do I mean by this? For example, a number of my recent WhatsApp/Facebook/Instagram conversations have ended with me saying something like “let’s hang out soon” or “hope to see you soon.” Also, if someone says that they will text me (this happens both in my personal and professional life) and it’s one minute past the time they said they would do it, I immediately go to my phone and reach out to them, fearing that the reason they haven’t messaged me is personal. I need to stop this. Yesterday. If the person wants to do something with me, they’ll put in the effort, contact me, and we will work together to make the arrangements. They will see me when they are ready to see me. If they have something to say, they will say it. People have a lot on their plates–work and/or school, family and home issues, business and legal obligations, etc. They have lives. They get busy. The last thing they need to hear is Mike getting on their ass about getting together or having an English lesson. Has anyone told me that I need to stop this? Not in so many words. But overall, the amount and quality of my relationships has weakened of late, and though there are other reasons that are more difficult for me to control, I think it’s largely happening because I haven’t been the best version of myself. Again, it’s always possible that this is just anxiety lying to me again, but this is something I can control. Why do I nag people? I believe it’s because I have a fear of being forgotten about. Let’s face it–I’m 31 years old and don’t have the best body, the most money, or the fastest car. As much as I strive to be a special person who makes the world a better place, I have some things which I cannot control. Is this fear, grounded in my lifetime history of low self-esteem, rational? I don’t know. I do know, however, what the solution is:
Be memorable.
In a positive way, of course. All I can do is be the most impactful teacher and a person who spreads happiness and joy wherever I go. On some days, this is hard, but this is a goal I strive for each and every day. A happy and joyous person naturally attracts people and makes those around them better. No one will ever forget about me and the attitude I bring. If I simply do these things, my phone will be the phone blowing up.
And that’s a good thing.
Czeching Out the World of TEFL 