Over the weekend, I went to a going-away party for one of my friends who is moving back to the States. Not to get into too many details, but I made a mistake and did something I shouldn’t have done. While it had been an enjoyable evening, what I did put a sour taste in some mouths. If you guys (you know who you are) are reading this, please understand how sorry I am.
As badly as I feel, I’m not writing this post to beg for forgiveness. Mistakes are a part of life. It’s how you react to the mistakes and what you learn from the mistakes that counts. About two decades ago, my father made a mistake that makes my blunder look very trivial. But recently, he realized what he had done and the effects it had on all of us. The way he’s reacted to his mistake should be an example for all of us, even if it has been better late than never. Not that I ever stopped loving my father, but even from thousands of miles away, I can tell how he has changed. He’s become more loving, more family-oriented, and more humble. Just in the past few weeks, he’s done some really selfless things that have made all of us feel good. Yes, he screwed up in his past life. However, he’s learned from that mistake and refused to let it define him. Hopefully, I can do the some thing. As he always tells me, we don’t know how many more turns we have around the Sun, so we owe it to ourselves to make the most of life.
My mistake was not a criminal act and I certainly hope it’s not something that will matter one year or five years from now. I was the worst version of myself and it was unacceptable. Admitting when you’re wrong is part of being a man. My dad did it. So will I.
So now, the million dollar question: How do I respond and what can I learn? And perhaps just as important, how do I keep it from happening again?
After some careful pondering in between my fantasy football drafts, I think I’ve found the answer.
I need to stop caring so much about myself. It’s time to be less selfish.
Am I a selfish person per se? No. But I was selfish in front of my friends, and I think it’s easy to become too self-centered when you’re so caught up in the hustle and bustle of your life. It can happen without you even thinking about it. While there’s no excuse for the way I acted the other night, it occurred because an array of emotions came over me. I’m dealing with an extraordinary amount of stress in my life at the moment, mainly because of the plethora of major changes that are happening. In addition to the family changes I mentioned above, I’m also starting a new job and am watching many good people leave Prague for the States or other locales. Enough hustle and bustle for at least a year. I don’t handle stress well and it sometimes makes me do or say things I don’t mean. Thinking before I act has never been a strength of mine and it’s sometimes led to me being the worst version of myself. It’s definitely something I need to work on, but even when things are peachy and stable, anxiety and depression make that difficult. They are bitches. They’re like injuries that happen before fantasy football season even starts (RIP Cam Akers, Travis Etienne, and J.K. Dobbins).
So how do I become less selfish, even in the face of anxiety, depression, and stress? First off, I can give my time and talents to others, whether it’s through volunteering or just donating some spare change to someone on the street. I can also reach out to my friends and see if they need help, even though I might be busy as a result of the new gig. I can take time out of my day to pray for others. I can practice empathy and listen. I can ask people how they are before merely blurting out everything about my day. I can give real and genuine complements, hold doors for others, and let someone go in front of me in line at the store.
Wait, I don’t like any of those sentences. Not because they aren’t great things to do, but because they all start with one simple, but symbolic word.
I.
Yep, they’re what we call “I statements.” Before I can dream of any of the things listed above, I need to quit it with the first-person pronoun. I statements make you self-centered. If you’re going to become better and have the transformation my dad has had, you need to put others first.
That being said, I’m giving myself a little challenge for the rest of this blog. I’m going to talk about being the best version of yourself, but I’m not allowing myself to use the word “I.” The word is now hereby banned for the rest of this post. Sounds like a King’s Cup rule, but we’ll go with it. At least 500 words must be written from here on out, otherwise the challenge is a failure.
Get it? Got it? Good.
Let’s begin.
Being the best version of ourselves is essential if we want to make meaningful contributions to society. Society expects us to be noble human beings so that we can leave things better than how we found them for future generations. When people give their time and talents to society, the world becomes a better place and people can learn from the example that is being set. Not being the best version of ourselves does a disservice to all the people who are counting on us. Most importantly, it does a disservice to ourselves. If we can’t be the best version of ourselves, how can we possibly ask others to do the same thing?
Where does the obsession with this topic come from? An administrator at a previous school would always say it and it encouraged a different school of thought about life and the many challenges that come with it. We’d always tell our students that while being good students was crucial, it was always more important to become empowered global citizens. Even on the other side of the Atlantic, that’s still a great thing to preach.
How do we become the best versions of ourselves? We set goals. We cut out the negativity. We put others before ourselves. We have a growth mindset and deal with setbacks effectively. Be honest with yourself and never sell yourself short. You have to take responsibility for your actions and hold yourself accountable when needed. Holding others accountable is also essential. After all, it isn’t just about you (note to self). It’s also about building others up, not bringing them down as a certain blog author mistakenly did to his good friends the other night. And finally, learn, learn, learn. Learn from the errors of your ways. Learn from other people and put yourself in their shoes.
You can learn from reading. Look at quotes that interest you and allow one to inspire you each day. We can also learn by doing. Appreciate what the most selfless professions–such as soldiers and doctors–do. Give thanks to those who allow you to do the things that you do. Always be humble. Always recognize the work you had to put in to get to where you are today.
In addition to the soldiers and doctors mentioned above, who are some examples of people who are always the best versions of themselves? First and foremost, my parents. They always go the extra mile to ensure that their children and grandchildren are happy. They’ve sacrificed so much and provided reassurance to all of us on a regular basis. Another couple that comes to mind is the Obamas. They continue to represent the United States with dignity and class and are easy role models for so many. And of course, you have to think about those like Buddha, Confucius, and the Dalai Lama. All three of them have so many great quotes about self-improvement that there could be a whole post written about them. If they have that many powerful things to say about it, then they must be pretty good.
And here it is, the 500-word wait is over! Sorry for the horse racing reference, but the Travers was this weekend, so something had to be thrown in there.
(Permission granted to say “I” again…just not too much.)
Not bad. Not one “I.” Only one “my,” and let’s be honest, it was kind of necessary. I can’t just refer to any random person’s parents. A dozen mentions of “we” and 10 “yous.”
This is a good start on my path to being less selfish. But actions speak louder than words and there’s a lot of good, selfless actions for me to do.
And I can’t wait to get started.
Czeching Out the World of TEFL 